Sometimes when I'm at Target I think if there was an earthquake or a hostage takeover at that very moment it would be okay because I would have everything I ever wanted to keep me happy and occupied for six months minimum. Except my family, you know what I mean. And you know what? In those few months I bet I'd never stop finding things I didn't know I needed but suddenly cannot live without. AND I'd be dressed adorably. But at the Target I went to today there is a rogue shopping cart collector who does NOT SPEAK and will NOT BE SPOKEN TO, and maybe I don't really understand what rogue means, but trust me when I tell you he's totally rogue. He looks like something out of Blade Runner and MAYBE HE IS, because Blade Runner took place in Los Angeles!! And he is doing menial work!! Anyway, he has this electric shopping cart collector machine that I didn't realize before is RUN BY HIS MIND, but now I DO know this, because I asked him if I could give him my cart, and by "him" I meant his shopping cart collector RUN BY HIS MIND and of course he didn't speak he just kind of nodded in my general direction, and when I tried to put it in his machine RUN BY HIS MIND the thing took off as I was pushing it and it almost took me with it!! I have no idea how he did that being that he was at least 15 feet from it, except that I DO know because it was RUN BY HIS MIND!!
But before all that happened I went to pick up some pictures I had printed out there. I went to pay and I notice that the guy who was helping me had printed on his name tag: Cousin Joey. I don't know whether to love him or wince. I mean it could be adorable or crazy. It's anybody's guess. I guess I acted a little confused about the total amount and because he mentions the taxes. And then he says, "Some of your money has to go to cousin Arnold!" And he winks at me and hands me the receipt. He didn't say Uncle Sam, he said cousin Arnold. The guy is definitely crazy! But here's the kicker: ALSO adorable.
I love Target.