Monday, November 30, 2009

Hide and Seek

This is what happens when you play hide and seek with a three year old. Other things that happen: they insist on telling you where they are hiding before you look for them.

Harper was playing with a toy game where you put food into the mouths of animals based on what they usually eat. She couldn't find the worm for the bird so she held up a peanut.
Harper: I'll give him this!

Me: A peanut! You'll hurt him!

Harper: (like I'm insane) He's not REAL!

Me: Oh, you're right.

Harper: I can feed them things they don't eat if they're not real!

She then repeated that over and over until I was convinced I've messed her up for life.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Oh, Christmas Tree!

I just googled to find out if anyone had tips on how to keep cats off of a Christmas tree and it came up with a variety of "lock them in a room" answers, or buy a device that "mildly" sends an electric shock through them, so I guess the answer is, "no". Although I came across one site where everyone was resigned to the fact that they just couldn't have a tree and even though it sucked it was worth it for them and their (insert number of cats). I thought it was surprisingly sweet and tolerant until I got to "me and my 13 cats" and I was like, wait, what website am I ON? And I looked at the top and saw: HSN (Home Shopping Network). Sigh.

I don't know why this is in Russian...

But if we can get past that, I still don't think we can get past how John Travolta and Robin Williams let themselves be in this poster (I'm not surprised by Seth Green). Adios Pulp Fiction and Good Will Hunting! We no longer care. It's like something out of a movie about a couple of older actors trying to break back into movies.

(This poster is on the bus stop near our house, and for reasons I don't understand I can't find in English!)

Direct from my inbox:

I received an email from with the subject: BREAKING NEWS: What's Next for Oprah and You?

I was getting more than a little bit nervous because Oprah was going on her television program making grand announcements about her show ending, but absolutely NO MENTION of what was next for Oprah and ME. Well, FINALLY I have some answers about what to do next! Those were a terrifying couple of days, guys!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I should also say...

That in my six minutes of free time I also co-wrote a musical that I am in and is going on again tomorrow night, so come see it!

Make reservations here:
Throughout the day I am often exhausted and dream about 6:00, the time when we put the childs to bed and I can lay on the couch comatose and behave like a dad from a sitcom circa any decade. But after about twenty minutes of recuperation I start thinking about how adorable they are and Brett and I will start talking about them, and I have the insane thought of wishing they were awake so I could grab their cheeks (don't worry, Harper would never let me). At times like that I look at pictures of them like this:

and I die a hundred deaths about how cute they are and how lucky we are that they are so great and so good to each other. And then maybe Clyde will make some noise in his sleep and I will pray to God he stays asleep and wonder what the hell I've been doing with the six minutes I actually get to myself every day. Isn't my life great?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Oh, Ellen.

Ellen Degeneres got a face lift apparently. I haven't seen her in awhile, but I just saw her on Oprah and there she was, her face resisting all the expressions it wanted to make. Why, Ellen, why? I don't know why but I feel like it makes her look unhappy. Maybe I'm the one who's depressed. ABOUT ELLEN'S FACE LIFT! Why do I care? It's her life?! Leave her alone! If you don't want a face lift, don't get one! Good point, self! Still, I am schizophrenic and one of my personalities wants to pull Ellen aside and tell her we like her because she's funny, not because she has a weird, stretched out creepy face. Maybe she doesn't know that!

Also, I really do like Ellen, but I feel like some celebs who go on Oprah feel like they have to espouse Oprahisms and she was no different. "I work hard to see the bigger picture and not be caught in my ego." I mean, I appreciate that as much as the next lady, but it feels like she's trying when she says it on Oprah. Like everyone has to go toe to toe with our Queen. Queen Oprah. Stop trying so hard Ellen! Leave your face alone and just be yourself! Ironically the interview was all about how comfortable she is with herself.

Jeez, what's my problem with Ellen?

I love this.

via House

Friday, November 6, 2009

Brett: I hate myself for saying this, but I want you to wait to watch Real World/Road Rules Challenge until I get back.

Me: I love you for saying that.

Brett: I blame you for this.

Me: It's not my fault!

Brett: Who's fault is it?

Me: Hey, I've watched lots of terrible TV for a long time.

Brett: Touche. Who would have thought that would come back and win you an argument.


I don't know if this is yesterday's news, but I just stumbled on Peopleofwalmart and it is a gem! The captions are as fantastic as the pictures. This is one of my favorites but there are so many more:

Chain Gang

I’m not even going to thing about pick-pocketing this guy. Honestly, where is that chain wallet going into because that doesn’t look like a pocket to me.

(the caption is not mine)