Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Those ambivalent to cats divert your eyes!

My beloved 18.5 year old cat Oakley passed away four weeks ago. I haven't written about it because I feel like whatever I say won't do him justice. But I feel like I need to say something. So at the risk of minimizing him, I'm not only going to blog about him, but I'm going to bullet point at least some of why he was so awesome. I realize that no one will probably find this interesting enough to read all of, but I'm going to indulge myself with this post! So here we go, guys!

1. He was the most polite cat I've ever met. He literally would wait his turn to eat. If another one of our cats was eating he would back up a few feet, sit down on his haunches and look around a bit, passing time while the other cat ate. When they were finished he would take his turn. It was kind of heartbreaking, but adorable. If he went outside and we didn't let him in right away he would just sit at the door and wait patiently, occasionally give a meow, but nothing to disturb anyone too much. Everyone else came first for Oakley.

2. In spite of his polite demeanor, he didn't take crap from no one; yet he still did it politely. He was the only cat I've ever known to slap on the hand---no claws. It really felt like a human was slapping me. He rarely did it, but if he was afraid (he was abused prior to my having him so he didn't like it when I raised my hand over his head which I never did intentionally!) I would get two quick slaps on the hand. Our house is a veritable way station for homeless cats, so there have been many a cat that has gone through here before finding their permanent home. Oakley welcomed them all, but if they ever got aggressive he let them know who was boss. Not by fighting, just his little quick slaps and they got the message.

3. He was also the only cat I've known who grew emotionally. Yes, that's ridiculous! But also true! Because of his early abuse he was borderline feral when I got him at 7 months. The last few years he really came into his own and became much less skittish. The last year or so he was like a regular cat. Brett had said when he met him that he wished for Oakley that he could feel safe (and have opposable thumbs. Why opposable thumbs? I think so he could play the piano, I'm not sure.). And he truly did seem like he felt safe and happy this last year. Opposable thumbs not withstanding.

I'm lucky to have known him all those years and I'm going to miss him for the rest of mine.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

One thing about 2009.

I know a lot of people had a terrible year, or at least I keep hearing that everyone is eager for 2009 to be over. Maybe they say it every year and I just don't notice it as much. But 2009 was a pretty amazing year for me. It was the year I met Clyde. I know that is super sappy, but sometimes the truth is really sappy, people. That kid rejuvenated me and kind of brought me to life in a way I didn't even know I needed to be brought to life. And it makes me a little sad that the year he was born will be remembered as a bad year, but maybe it won't. Maybe time will go on and people will forget and it won't be part of the consciousness that 2009 sucked. I wish for everyone that 2009 made them feel how Clyde makes me feel, and how Curious George makes Clyde feel.

(And P.S. of course I love Harper just as much but I met her in 2006!)

Saturday, December 19, 2009


This is from the latest episode. I LOVE IT. It's Ron Sexsmith and Elvis doing a version of Everyday I Write the Book. Actually doing Ron Sexsmith's version of it. It's awwwwwwesome y'all. If you like that sort of thing. (Awesomeness.) But what has happened to my Elvis? Is he sick?? He's lost so much weight and it looks sickly, not healthy! I'm worried. Now go enjoy this.

I love this show. Elvis made me even like Bono. This sounds pretentious when I repeat it, but Bono was talking about seeing a band that had a very intimate show even in a large arena and he said, "Intimacy is the new punk rock. It's the thing that makes me stop in my tracks now." I love that! Intimacy is bold and scary whether it's in music or the rest of life. I like the idea of it being bad ass like punk rock. I still don't like U2 though! I'll hold on to that, don't worry!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I'LL say!

I saw this movie a couple nights ago. Brett and I had a good laugh about how awful it would be, but how I was going to watch it anyway. Hahaha! Get outta here you, I said to Brett, I'm going to watch this bad movie, you! Well, joke's on me, kids! Not only did I like a lot of it, I LOVED parts of it. I would even watch those parts again? Yes, I would. They were funny parts! Who doesn't want to watch funny parts twice?? Fine. I know everyone thinks they have a good sense of humor but I can't argue with the facts. Turns out Housesitter wasn't an anomaly. I just can't be trusted in the humor department. Goodbye, I'm going to watch Seems Like Old Times for the 128th time!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Candy are my world.

I really want to make delicious treats for people for the holidays. So far I made peanut butter cookies with chocolate m-n-ms that I deemed not good enough to give out so I ate them all myself. Well, that's not fair. Harper and Brett had three. But I fancy myself a baker who rarely bakes so I decided I'm really going to do it! I'm going to make chocolate mint divinity! Let's do this, holidays! So I scanned through the recipe and then I read this (bolding my emphasis):

Cook over medium heat, without stirring, to 260 degree F, hard-ball stage. Mixture should boil at moderate, steady rate over entire surface. Reaching hard-ball stage should take about 15 minutes.

What the hell is hard ball stage?? Sorry hard-ball stage?? I'm out of my element(Donny)!!Is this some inside joke with bakers? They never expect us sugar fans to ever read the recipe and find them out?? But find out WHAT? How will I know if I've reached hard-ball stage if I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS???

Guys, we can all calm down. There was a small time lapse wherein I googled it. But here's the bad news. I'm only SLIGHTLY less confused! Apparently there's also soft-ball and firm-ball that goes along with hard-ball! But the difference between firm-ball and hard-ball is not as obvious as it seems! Candy making is a science, guys! I found that out on a website about the science of candy! Does this make it more fun or less? I DON'T KNOW!!

I may or may not be making candy treats for the holidays. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

She doth protest too much?

I know, I know, but I couldn't not post this. Proof of John Mayer not only being an enormous d-bag and bad comic, but also a racist! Who knew?

From the desk of Harper Levinger

"Daddy!! Come here and look at your son!"

Monday, December 7, 2009

Important things on my mind

Why is this Tiger Woods thing SUCH a big deal? I understand that people love to hear about affairs and it's all a big, fancy, impossible to look away from train wreck, and who doesn't love a bright shiny train wreck that involves a celebrity? My father. But aside from him, no one. That said, I don't understand why the mistresses are getting lawyers and why it seems like he's in legal trouble over all of this. And why it seems like they're treating this like he is the president. I mean yay, you found out Tiger Woods is a terrible womanizer! Let's talk about it for a week! And then it keeps going and my brain gets confused.

It turns out Eddie Vedder, Lisa Marie Presley, Dave Grohl, David Spade and one of the Dixie Chicks have daughters named Harper. When we picked the name we did it for a variety of reasons, one of which was that it be somewhat different without being pretentiously different. But when five celebrities name their kid that same sort of unusual name in the last year it makes me feel like it's both too pretentious and too normal! HOW DO I GO ON???? My resolve is heroic!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Merry Christmas?

Give her the gift even Santa can't give her? Ew.

Watch CBS Videos Online

Friday, December 4, 2009

So as it turns out...

James Franco is a dick. He did General Hospital as an exercise in "performance art." Barf. Arrogance. Disappointment. Etc.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

At some point soon this is not going to be cute. Maybe now?

Me: Wait, what is a platypus?

Brett: You know what a platypus is.

Me: No I don't, that's why I'm asking.

Brett: It's a furry looking animal with a bill like a duck. Harper, do platypuses lay eggs or have babies?

Harper: Lay eggs.

Brett: That's right. Even though they are what?

Harper: Mammals.

Brett: That's right!

Me: Now you're just trying to make me look stupid.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Hide and Seek

This is what happens when you play hide and seek with a three year old. Other things that happen: they insist on telling you where they are hiding before you look for them.

Harper was playing with a toy game where you put food into the mouths of animals based on what they usually eat. She couldn't find the worm for the bird so she held up a peanut.
Harper: I'll give him this!

Me: A peanut! You'll hurt him!

Harper: (like I'm insane) He's not REAL!

Me: Oh, you're right.

Harper: I can feed them things they don't eat if they're not real!

She then repeated that over and over until I was convinced I've messed her up for life.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Oh, Christmas Tree!

I just googled to find out if anyone had tips on how to keep cats off of a Christmas tree and it came up with a variety of "lock them in a room" answers, or buy a device that "mildly" sends an electric shock through them, so I guess the answer is, "no". Although I came across one site where everyone was resigned to the fact that they just couldn't have a tree and even though it sucked it was worth it for them and their (insert number of cats). I thought it was surprisingly sweet and tolerant until I got to "me and my 13 cats" and I was like, wait, what website am I ON? And I looked at the top and saw: HSN (Home Shopping Network). Sigh.

I don't know why this is in Russian...

But if we can get past that, I still don't think we can get past how John Travolta and Robin Williams let themselves be in this poster (I'm not surprised by Seth Green). Adios Pulp Fiction and Good Will Hunting! We no longer care. It's like something out of a movie about a couple of older actors trying to break back into movies.

(This poster is on the bus stop near our house, and for reasons I don't understand I can't find in English!)

Direct from my inbox:

I received an email from with the subject: BREAKING NEWS: What's Next for Oprah and You?

I was getting more than a little bit nervous because Oprah was going on her television program making grand announcements about her show ending, but absolutely NO MENTION of what was next for Oprah and ME. Well, FINALLY I have some answers about what to do next! Those were a terrifying couple of days, guys!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I should also say...

That in my six minutes of free time I also co-wrote a musical that I am in and is going on again tomorrow night, so come see it!

Make reservations here:
Throughout the day I am often exhausted and dream about 6:00, the time when we put the childs to bed and I can lay on the couch comatose and behave like a dad from a sitcom circa any decade. But after about twenty minutes of recuperation I start thinking about how adorable they are and Brett and I will start talking about them, and I have the insane thought of wishing they were awake so I could grab their cheeks (don't worry, Harper would never let me). At times like that I look at pictures of them like this:

and I die a hundred deaths about how cute they are and how lucky we are that they are so great and so good to each other. And then maybe Clyde will make some noise in his sleep and I will pray to God he stays asleep and wonder what the hell I've been doing with the six minutes I actually get to myself every day. Isn't my life great?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Oh, Ellen.

Ellen Degeneres got a face lift apparently. I haven't seen her in awhile, but I just saw her on Oprah and there she was, her face resisting all the expressions it wanted to make. Why, Ellen, why? I don't know why but I feel like it makes her look unhappy. Maybe I'm the one who's depressed. ABOUT ELLEN'S FACE LIFT! Why do I care? It's her life?! Leave her alone! If you don't want a face lift, don't get one! Good point, self! Still, I am schizophrenic and one of my personalities wants to pull Ellen aside and tell her we like her because she's funny, not because she has a weird, stretched out creepy face. Maybe she doesn't know that!

Also, I really do like Ellen, but I feel like some celebs who go on Oprah feel like they have to espouse Oprahisms and she was no different. "I work hard to see the bigger picture and not be caught in my ego." I mean, I appreciate that as much as the next lady, but it feels like she's trying when she says it on Oprah. Like everyone has to go toe to toe with our Queen. Queen Oprah. Stop trying so hard Ellen! Leave your face alone and just be yourself! Ironically the interview was all about how comfortable she is with herself.

Jeez, what's my problem with Ellen?

I love this.

via House

Friday, November 6, 2009

Brett: I hate myself for saying this, but I want you to wait to watch Real World/Road Rules Challenge until I get back.

Me: I love you for saying that.

Brett: I blame you for this.

Me: It's not my fault!

Brett: Who's fault is it?

Me: Hey, I've watched lots of terrible TV for a long time.

Brett: Touche. Who would have thought that would come back and win you an argument.


I don't know if this is yesterday's news, but I just stumbled on Peopleofwalmart and it is a gem! The captions are as fantastic as the pictures. This is one of my favorites but there are so many more:

Chain Gang

I’m not even going to thing about pick-pocketing this guy. Honestly, where is that chain wallet going into because that doesn’t look like a pocket to me.

(the caption is not mine)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Common mistake, undoubtedly.

I was holding Clyde feeding him before I put him to bed and I sighed. "God, I love this cat." And then after a beat that was way too long I thought, "That is not a cat."

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

This is definitely a joke now.

More correspondence!

hello I notice you have not reply to my offer is tv still available? If so I will increase my offer to 25 plus 12 for delivery plus 2 sandiwhc of fruit salad for vegetable. It is very nice tv! Also I teach class in spiritual dancing so if you want I gve you free one hours class for up to four studnets maybe friend or family. God is great! JEsus can help you if you let HIM into your herat.

thank you please/

Monday, October 19, 2009

This is probably a joke.

But whether it is or not, this is the kind of thing you get when you take Brett's advice on how to post on craigslist. You don't get serious offers. You get MADNESS. And as far as televisions go, I prefer SERIOUS OFFERS. Not this:

hello I am interested in youre telvision please but first a little about me!
I am 59 years old single woman. I have no car so you would have to bring tv to me but I am fun to meet and get to know so this will be no problem I am sure. I have 1 bike and also cart for groceries no car! But I can pays extra for deliveirty. I can also give sandiwch or fruit salad if you are vegetable for time or energy.
I want to watch housewife show and also oprah with tv! Does tv get these chanels? I heard about goverment program to replace tvs with new digital tvs ... is your tv part of that and where can i go to get tv exchanged once you delibvr to me?
Also you asked about dreams in ad ... my dream is to meet Nelson Mandale and take picture. or did you mean night time dreams if so my nighttime dreams are about falling down off tall building or sometimes about rats crawling under my house mostly.
would you take 20 for tv with 10 extra for delivery to irvine plus sandwihc?
thank you please!

Friday, October 16, 2009

We still haven't sold the TV.

I'm getting desperate. I've lowered the price by $40 even though someone offered me that the first time around and Brett said it was an insult. I tried to explain to him that's how craigslist works but he insisted that guy was a joke asking for a joke. Now here we are weeks later and he's telling me to offer that price from the get go! Well I have and still no bites!! So this is what I've resorted to. We'll see what happens:

This is a perfect TV! Let's do this thing! With remote, gorgeous inside and out. You have to ask yourself, what are you waiting for? Watch Mad Men in style. Or whatever you want to watch, it will be projected from this beauty. Email me, let's make your dreams start now.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

It's so complicated!

My love/hate relationship with John Mayer, that is. He could sing the phone book and I would love it, but his personality is just so...douchey. I think we as a society can determine the douchiness of a person, no questions asked, by whoever Jennifer Aniston dated after Brad Pitt. If we have any questions about if a person is douchey or not, AND she dated them after her divorce, then the question, my friends, has been answered! Too bad she didn't date George W. Bush or we could have been saved a lot of heartache. Or the first Bush for that matter. Too bad she isn't 80 and dated a lot of people that we as a society could therefore agree were terrible, that before that we as a society had not unilaterally agreed were terrible! I feel I may have gotten off track. I love John Mayer's music! I know it's non threatening adult contemporary music and I ruin all of my very, very, VERY large amounts of hipster street cred by loving it, but boy do I! And here is a video saying it all for me, showing his beautiful voice and melodies and terrible, just awful personality:

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Walking Concert

I stumbled on this band and then found out they've been broken up for like three years. It's especially upsetting because they only have one album! I DON'T KNOW HOW I KEEP GOING. Regardless, I found this and only this video on youtube. It's not my most favorite from the album but it's still pretty great! (If you like MUSIC.)


I'm watching Adam Goldstein on this show of his, Gone Too Far, about getting people sober and this sounds ridiculous and possibly stupid but it's an incredibly helpless feeling. I just want to go through the screen and stop time and make him see that he was slipping back into the disease. He is sitting there telling a heroin addict, "I promise you can be freed from this. FREED. There's another life." It's just heartbreaking. Before his death I heard so many stories about what a selfless, generous person he was and since then of course I've heard even more. Here is Dr. Drew talking about him. Possibly only interesting to me! The part at the end is what really kills me.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

via Carrie Can

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Friday, September 11, 2009

Up close & personal

I realized I never reblogged Sussy's post which showed a close up of the best-craft-ever-created which led me to Rick Springfield. So, go here to see it!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Harper started pre-school yesterday

But it was a slow integration pre-school where they don't let you leave until the child shows no signs of discomfort so I will still be going there with or without her in 2012. Hey-oh! But honestly, I do want to tell the teachers at some point, "Look, she is always going to get extremely upset at some point and it doesn't matter if I'm here or not." Case in point yesterday when she overdid her outside limit, which means she was outside for longer than 20 minutes and she melted down. They told me to come sit with her, a request my daughter quickly dismissed STRONGLY, as she preferred to cry by herself rather than be comforted. These are other tidbits from yesterday.

Me: Harper, I will stay there today, but I may leave on Thursday.

Harper: No, you can leave today.

Me: They won't let me leave today. I have to stay.

Harper: Oh! No, you can leave.

Me: Harper, I'm telling you, I have to stay today.

Harper: Oh! No, I mean, you can leave.

Me: I think when we actually get there you may feel differently.

We turn the corner and see the place.

Harper: I was just joking. You can stay.

(She didn't end up caring if I was there or not.) On the way home we discussed her time there.

Me: What are your teachers names? Do you remember?

Her: No! YOU know! You're the one who knows!

This child came out fully formed. And she is an adolescent general.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Our first contest?

We are selling our TV on craigslist. I asked Brett what I should say about it.

Brett: Write: Get ready to have your sh*t rocked.

So, as a joke I wrote: Perfect condition. It'll rock your sh*t off.

Brett: Please write that.

Me: I will not write that, because I want it to sell.

Brett: (completely serious)It'll sell, and it'll sell to a far more interesting person.

Me: It will NOT sell that way. Seriously, what should I write?

Brett: You should SERIOUSLY write that.

Me: I am NOT going to write that! What should I say?

Brett: FINE. If you're not going to be interesting, just be FACTUAL (contempt not at all disguised).

Now he wants to write two competing ads and see who gets more calls.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Dennis Quaid is here!

This is old, but young with hilarity.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Agh! I love Steven Colbert!

Thank you to Anthony for posting this. I really needed to hear it. And I needed to love Steven Colbert a little more. Not really, but it certainly didn't hurt. (Oops, I didn't credit the original source where you can read the whole speech in its entirety:

Say “yes.” In fact, say “yes” as often as you can. When I was starting out in Chicago, doing improvisational theatre with Second City and other places, there was really only one rule I was taught about improv. That was, “yes-and.” In this case, “yes-and” is a verb. To “yes-and.” I yes-and, you yes-and, he, she or it yes-ands. And yes-anding means that when you go onstage to improvise a scene with no script, you have no idea what’s going to happen, maybe with someone you’ve never met before. To build a scene, you have to accept. To build anything onstage, you have to accept what the other improviser initiates on stage. They say you’re doctors — you’re doctors. And then, you add to that: We’re doctors and we’re trapped in an ice cave. That’s the “-and.” And then hopefully they “yes-and” you back. You have to keep your eyes open when you do this. You have to be aware of what the other performer is offering you, so that you can agree and add to it. And through these agreements, you can improvise a scene or a one-act play. And because, by following each other’s lead, neither of you are really in control. It’s more of a mutual discovery than a solo adventure. What happens in a scene is often as much a surprise to you as it is to the audience.

Well, you are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what’s going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say “yes.” And if you’re lucky, you’ll find people who will say “yes” back. Now will saying “yes” get you in trouble at times? Will saying “yes” lead you to doing some foolish things? Yes it will. But don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes.”

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I have a lot to say about Target today. (refer to the name of this blog)

Sometimes when I'm at Target I think if there was an earthquake or a hostage takeover at that very moment it would be okay because I would have everything I ever wanted to keep me happy and occupied for six months minimum. Except my family, you know what I mean. And you know what? In those few months I bet I'd never stop finding things I didn't know I needed but suddenly cannot live without. AND I'd be dressed adorably. But at the Target I went to today there is a rogue shopping cart collector who does NOT SPEAK and will NOT BE SPOKEN TO, and maybe I don't really understand what rogue means, but trust me when I tell you he's totally rogue. He looks like something out of Blade Runner and MAYBE HE IS, because Blade Runner took place in Los Angeles!! And he is doing menial work!! Anyway, he has this electric shopping cart collector machine that I didn't realize before is RUN BY HIS MIND, but now I DO know this, because I asked him if I could give him my cart, and by "him" I meant his shopping cart collector RUN BY HIS MIND and of course he didn't speak he just kind of nodded in my general direction, and when I tried to put it in his machine RUN BY HIS MIND the thing took off as I was pushing it and it almost took me with it!! I have no idea how he did that being that he was at least 15 feet from it, except that I DO know because it was RUN BY HIS MIND!!

But before all that happened I went to pick up some pictures I had printed out there. I went to pay and I notice that the guy who was helping me had printed on his name tag: Cousin Joey. I don't know whether to love him or wince. I mean it could be adorable or crazy. It's anybody's guess. I guess I acted a little confused about the total amount and because he mentions the taxes. And then he says, "Some of your money has to go to cousin Arnold!" And he winks at me and hands me the receipt. He didn't say Uncle Sam, he said cousin Arnold. The guy is definitely crazy! But here's the kicker: ALSO adorable.

I love Target.

Monday, August 17, 2009

This is quickly becoming a Steven Tyler blog

I have always maintained that Steven Tyler looks like my 86 year old aunt and now I have proof. I wish to God I had a picture of my aunt so I could put these two pictures side by side but for now you'll just have to: 1. Trust me and 2. Be horrified.

Dude looks like a really old lady? I'm sorry! So obvious! (I swear I do love him, I'm just reporting the facts.)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

One man's chili is another man's...

Harper and I drove into the Trader Joe's parking lot, where on the outside wall of the store they have a fanciful depiction of various types of vegetables and spices. One of the designs on the wall I guess was a chili, I'm still not sure, but apparently to Harper it looked like a penis. Now, mind you, I hadn't seen any of the artwork yet when I heard her ask me, confused, from the back of the car, "Do we eat penises??" I, again, had no idea where this was coming from, and I was just grateful that she hadn't started pre-school yet so I didn't have to wonder who she was spending her time with that may give her the idea that it might be possible to eat a penis. So I just told her NO NO NO, we definitely DON'T eat penises and what gave her that idea? She didn't really have an answer, but as we got out and started walking into the store she pointed up to the cut out on the wall. "Is that a penis?" That's when I pieced it together that she wasn't molested, she was just a victim to a poor rendition of a chili. I told her it wasn't a penis, although, she was right, it did kind of look like one. I mean, I didn't want her to think she was crazy! She had a fair point, might as well let her know. She kept looking at it. "Is it a WORM? That would be crazy! We don't eat WORMS!" Dear Trader Joe's artist: I'm sorry.

In other news today, Clyde grabbed my face and kissed it. Brett said that kid is magic, and I am here to tell you, he is RIGHT.

Monday, August 10, 2009

This is a long story! Be warned! A long euphoric story!

Rick Springfield has been met!!!!

To give you some perspective, this is what I look like posing for a picture without Rick in it:

Now that you have an idea, this is what I look like posing for a picture WITH Rick Springfield!!!:

Now, let's calm down while I take us back just a bit in the story. For those of you unfamiliar with my Rick Springfield life story, suffice it to say I spent about 4 of my formative years loving Rick Springfield (read: escaping from my adolescence) and convincing myself that I was going to marry him. The idea of which would send my mother into a rage yelling at me, "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MARRY RICK SPRINGFIELD!!!" as if this was a possibility. As if this fifteen year old girl from Palo Alto was going to meet and then marry a 36 year old pop sensation who was touring the world. (I totally thought I would.) But if there was one thing my mother was always good at, it was squashing dreams. Well, you're good at what you enjoy, you understand. At this point I find this quality of hers funny, so I thought, why not call my mother before I meet him to see in what manner she will be wholly unsupportive. Here are the results:

Me: Mom, I'm going to meet Rick Springfield tonight. He's having a CD signing and meeting everyone who buys a CD.

Her: (a beat where her psyche builds up all the sarcasm it can muster) Well, I am THRILLED for you. What are you going to say? (mimicking I guess me? In a cloying, annoying tone) "Oh, I've loved you for so many years! I'm just so excited to meet you! Blah blah blah."

She delivered! At some point I told her it wasn't about getting excited about Rick Springfield (a concern she delivered) it was about getting excited for the person who is excited about Rick Springfield. When I told that to my friend Sophia she said she wanted to get that put on a t-shirt. I would wear that shirt.

Let's get to the important part! I went there with my BFF Laura and I was VERY nervous about what I would say to him. I wanted to convey to him how much he meant to me, but I didn't want to appear crazy. I asked Brett earlier what he thought of various things I was thinking of saying and most of it was negated due to: craziness! Apparently telling him I think of him as family is crazy! I had a feeling, but I wasn't sure! Exclamation points for nerves!! To add to the nerves, my friend Sussy had recently made me an INCREDIBLE craft of a felt/embroidered/handsewn picture of Rick dreaming about rescuing cats with me. Now, do I just say a simple, "Thank you for the music." And then pull out the picture and say, "My friend made a picture of you dreaming about rescuing cats with me, can you sign it??" THAT'S crazy, right? But that's the one thing that Brett AND Laura approved! I'm so confused about what's crazy and what isn't in regards to Rick Springfield! I asked them what if I said, "I hope I don't sound crazy, but I've got a picture of you dreaming about rescuing cats with me?" And Laura said whatever I do don't talk about being crazy. I said that's the one thing I'm sure I HAVE to do.

Guys, this is a long entry, but suffice it to say there are a bunch of VERY angry Rick Springfield fans out there. After about 15 minutes of being in their midst I realized if Rick Springfield is worried about my craziness then he's pretty much spending all of his time worried about everyone who loves him. So right after I took the picture with him, I suddenly thought I HAVE to do it! I HAVE to show him the picture of him and me and the cats. So I said, "Can I show you something?" To which he said, "Sure!" (He's so nice!) And I said, "I hope this doesn't sound crazy..." At which point he DID look concerned that I was crazy! Laura was right, I should NOT have mentioned craziness. Here he is VERY concerned about what's in my bag:

But I barreled ahead and showed him the picture and he LOVED it!!! (Thank you Sussy!! I'm linking to you again for double gratitude!!) Look at his face! He LOVES it!!

And then he asked me if I wanted him to sign it! HE asked ME! I thought we'd just take a picture together with it. I said no. Hahaha! That's a joke! I said yes!

And now look at how genuinely happy he is when he takes the picture with it! (Note to readers: you don't have to take in how I look like I am clutching to the picture for dear life.)

I wish you could see the intricacies of this amazing picture. It delighted me and Rick Springfield alike! What a night! He was so great and the next time we meet I'll tell him how much I love him and that he should come over for Thanksgiving. I HAVE LEARNED NOTHING.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Polly Berrien Berends

If your children see that you are seeking, they will seek—the finding part is up to God.

(via Le Jane Fonds.)

Friday, August 7, 2009

Oh, Steven.

I love Steven Tyler a lot more than the next gal, but this is hilarious.

Best John Hughes story yet.

Suckas! Sorry, you didn't deserve that. Follow this link!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Rescue Me

I used to enjoy this show. Now this is what a typical episode looks like:

Some type of objectification of a woman.

Some completely unrealistic sexual encounter happens with Denis Leary or the older chubby guy.

Some mostly annoying but occasionally funny dialogue about sex and/or poop.

Some even more unrealistic sexual encounter with Denis Leary happens.

Something offensive about alcoholics happens.

Some brave depiction of firefighters that warms the heart and is supposed to make up for the fact that everyone associated with this show hates women.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sleep talkin'

Brett sleeps more soundly than anyone human should be able to sleep. He also sleeps less than any human should be able to and still be a functioning human, which may account for the soundness of the sleep. But often this leads to him waking up and saying ridiculous things to me. Yesterday was no exception. After I tried to wake him he said the following:

Brett: Are you red?
Me: What?
Brett: Are you red? You look like you're colored red.

Needless to say, I was not colored red.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Quote central

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." Alvin Toffler

After I read this quote and loved it I looked up this Alvin Toffler character. What is his profession? Futurist! I didn't know such a thing existed! Is it too late to become a futurist? I don't know because I'm not a futurist! Apparently you just go around predicting the future. Maybe it's different from being a psychic because it uses science instead of whatever psychics use. Regardless, I love it! It sounds like a profession from a Kurt Vonnegut novel.

In other news, please watch the Ghost Whisperer. It's HILARIOUS. Do yourself that favor. Once you get over J Love Hewitt's pout it's non stop laughs. Acctually, once you can make friends with it, her pout is responsible for about 18% of the laughs.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I'm trying!

“It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.”

- Joyce Maynard via julie911

Every thoughtful thing I read about parenting these days makes me tear up.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Monsters of Folk indeed!

I have always been extremely annoyed by Conor Oberst's vocals until like, last week, when suddenly I was on a run and decided no, I don't hate you Conor Oberst, I maybe love you? I don't know what happened or why, but I got past judging him for sounding so put-on angsty and decided to believe he was actual angsty and therefore he was my new music BFF. So what good timing (which he totally planned) for him to announce that he is in a supergroup with M. Ward and Yim Yames (Jim James from My Morning Jacket; I don't know why he's calling himself Yim Yames but I love it). Apparently I have a lot of judgement because I find if I listen to too much of MMJ I fear I may accidentally drift off into a coma. But their voices together are...perfect? This is the most negative positive review you'll read, folks! Regardless, I'm thrilled and I read about it on i guess i'm floating, so you should go over there and listen to the fantabulous new single they are releasing until their album debuts on September 22nd. I am excited! Exclamation points are proof: !!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

baby love

Sometimes I feel like if I rave about Clyde it would seem like I don't love Harper as much as I love him, but of course that is not true. So I would just like to state here that I love the living crap out of that baby. He is so freaking cute I want to bite his freaking cheeks off, but that would be disgusting. I mean honestly, in terms of babies he is doing everything right. He almost never cries, he just sits there and dotes on everyone while they dote on him, he's just 1000% perfect. He has really taken this motherhood thing to a whole new level for me. Thank you, Clyde. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

Harper and I we were listening to Morning Becomes Eclectic on the way to a friend's house today.

Harper: Is that the same sound?
Me: You mean a new song?
Harper: Yeah. Are those the same sounds?
Me: No honey, it's a different song.
Harper: But it SOUNDS similar.(Subtext, obvs: All your indie crap sounds the same, mom. Don't kid yourself. )
Me: Yes honey, I guess it does.

But I just love that she isn't even three and uses the word similar. I love that kid like crazy too, don't kid yourself people!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Yes, I read Jane Fonda's blog

via Jane Fonds, something I really needed to hear:

Gloria Steinem, in her book “Revolution Within”
If we think of ourselves as circles, our goal is completion –not defeating others.
Progress lies in the direction we haven’t been.

If we think of families and nurturing groups as circles, the sum means maximizing each part—not restricting others or keeping secrets.
Progress is appreciation.

If we think of work structures as circles, excellence and cooperation are the goal –not competition.
Progress becomes mutual support and connectedness.

If we think of nature as a circle, then we are part of its reciprocity.
Progress means interdependence.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Because I subscribe to this Rick Springfield blog (cool much?)I just found out this information:

Confirmed on
Rick will be appearing at the following BORDERS locations to sign 'My Precious Little One" CDs purchased in-store with a short 3 or 4 song performance. Don't miss it!

AS IF I WOULD MISS IT!!! Just reading that information gave me something akin to a panic attack!! I'm going to have to spend the next month in a cave meditating on the mantra, "Keep it together, Levinger. KEEP IT TOGETHER!!!" I'm going to have to drag the BFF there to ensure the togetherness is kept securely in place!!! Refer to subject heading!!!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Brett pretends I am as smart as he is.

Brett: You know how sinister is derived from left-handed in Latin?

Me: Huh?

Brett: I was just wondering what right-handed was derived from. I think it's dexter.

Me: You're asking me if I know this?

Brett: Yeah.

Me: I'm sorry.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The funny.

I think my favorite bit is the stupid interviewer. My favorite one ever is Jiminy Glick interviewing Billy Crystal but I couldn't find it on youtube which is an ATROCITY!! Nothing short of it. But regardless, Zach Galifianakis' Between Two Ferns is directly up my alley, and this one with Jon Hamm is especially hilarious to me. It's six months old and I am very current. Enjoy!

He's definitely NOT my cherry pie.

The weirdest thing for me about getting older is watching the celebrities I grew up with age. I am able to forget about pesky things like getting older and mortality until I am hit with an image of Jani Lane from Warrant today, and I know someday I am going to die. I don't even know how old he is, but I pray to God I don't EVER look like this:

Monday, June 8, 2009

Pictures will follow some day.

We got two new kittens that we say we are fostering, but let's just face reality people, they're here to stay. There are reasons for this adoption that I could explain, but why bother, we're cat rescuing crazy and thems the facts. Although previously I had never set a limit, and now I have: this is it. Anyway, the truth is I just like to fancy myself Goldie Hawn in Seems Like Old Times, only with cats instead of dogs and without the law career and ex-husband who hides out in our guest house and has hilarious adventures with me unbenownst to my current husband who's not really right for me anyway. If you're 57 and/or have a thing for Neil Simon movies you will understand that hilarious bit.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Best comment ever

I just saw He's Not That Into You, and I actually liked it. Did I tear up? So what, jeez! I'm a girl, I have feelings. Or at least that's what the movie told me. But regardless, because I have actual writing to do, I spent what little time I have on the internet reading an interview with the writers of that movie and stumbled on the BEST COMMENT EVER, hence the subject heading. Really folks, I feel sorry for this person because they are clearly insane, but I also couldn't NOT post it? You know? Like, I have some empathy but pray to the God of comedy so I couldn't not share it. Happy reading:

I'd like inform you that Scarlett Johansson "actress"actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created illegally using stolen biomaterial.Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady.I'll tell more,those clones(it's not only 1)made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones,it's in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,Rhineland-Palatinate,Mr.Helmut Kohl home town

This poor guy must be exhausted.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

I AM a parent!

Today we started potty training Harper more diligently. In other words, we started bribing. In other words, we started filling our daughter with sugar. She doesn't get much sugar normally and a little bit went right to her head, giving me visions of an uncomfortable future where I may walk in on her mid-ecstasy trip. Our little lady is not the most affectionate, but feed her with sugar and apparently she realizes she DOES in fact love me. After eating her piece of licorice (hard core candy!) she ran up to me, and aggressively rubbed my hair saying, "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I'M ORGANIZING YOUR HAIR!"

I hope this ends without a crash and maybe even some peeing in the potty.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

New blog! Wow!

Hello my legions of readers! I am now writing from here for reasons too varied and boring to describe, but here I will remain. If for some incomprehensible reason you haven't been to my old blog you can read it here. In the meantime, forget your troubles and read away.

I saw this picture of Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig and was taken aback by the copiousness of Hugh Jackman's body. I don't even find it particularly attractive, it's just startling that it exists. He may actually be a wolverine at this point because that does not seem human.

Me: Look at him, that is insane.

Brett: Yeah.

Me: I mean seriously, he makes Daniel Craig look fat.

Brett: Yeah, it's crazy.

Me: I mean it's just--

Brett: Okay, okay, you don't have to say anything else. You said he makes Daniel Craig look fat, that says it all.

Me: Sorry.